Want to smoke till your eyes roll in the back of your head, but don't want to black up your lungs with tar and get Cancer? Well, what if I were to tell yous there were a device that looks like a cigarette, feels like a cigarette but brother it ain't a cigarette? Intrigued, read more.
The E-Cigarette, or electronic cigarettes are smoking devices that offer the smoker all the feel and sensation of a smoke but without the death sentence.
Yup, these little beauties are the wave of the future. You can smoke, smoke, and smoke and will not produce that nasty muggy, butt smell, and can even smoke in front of all those mush mouthed, pink lunged pansies who get so offended by your smoking. You can even smoke in front of a baby. Go ahead, do it, we dare you! Don't let the baby smoke it though, we aren't covered for that.
How do we do it?
Glad you asked.
First, stop smoking you jerk this stuff'll kill you.
If the government has it's way, soon you won't be safe to enjoy your Cancer stick anywhere. You won't even be able to place it where you know we've all wanted to...no? Okay fine then, be that way.
The device.
It comes in a box with all the attachments and what-nots you need.
There are three parts to these dumb things.
The battery: We don't have to tell you what that is for, so that'll save some time.
The nicotine cartridge: Where your drug of choice is housed to bring you hours and hours of non-smoking, smoking pleasure and stop you from wanting to light and suck on anything that moves.
Which reminds us, wear a freaking condom. Oh, wait. Maybe your supper religious or some shit like that and can't do that. In that case, just say no and wait till your married. Wait, are we talking about smoking or sex? One always leads to another, I can't keep them straight. Another topic, nothing wrong with gays marring each other; it worked so well for us non-gays. That's one way to get them to stop bitching about it, have them get married, then they'll all be against it. Yeah, that'll work.
Last item on the device is atomizer, which we have no hellish idea what the hell it does but the instructions should tell you alls about its. Come to think about it, "Hey Larry, you done writing up the how-to's for these rubber cigars? Our peps want to know how to put it all together".
::Crumpled paper:: "Atomizer, Atomizer. Ah, here we go..."
Da ding on here that is used to heat up the nicotine and turn it into a vaporizer. Wait, what?
So, this thing is like an AK? Awesome, so you light up and smoke someone at the same time. Pure genus, why no one thought of this till now is beyond me!
"hey Mac. You have it upside down."
"what, no wait." ::more crumpled paper noises::
"Okay, so the atomizer heats up the nicotine, turning it into a vapor or smoke that is made of water. It's like a mist full of nicotine. That sounds like an album by Lady Gaga. I guess that makes more sense."
"Okay, so we have all the parts to the device, but still no smoking has occurred. Keep your socks on boys, we're getting there."
How to assemble and smoke your brains out.
Take the e-cig out of the case.
Remove all the packages and wraps.
Read the instructions.
Read them again moron, just in case you missed anything.
All the parts should fit into each other.
That is it.
They either snap together or screw on, so figure out which one you gots.
Time to charge that baby up.
See e-cigs are electronic, but they're portable, like cells phones.
You have to plug in the charger to the device and let it charge for a few hours.
Your charging times may vary, refer to your instructions for details.
The first time your cigy is charged will be the longest it'll take to do it.
Once charged the device is ready to be smoked.
Just unplug it, pick it up and smoke it like you would a real cigarette.
Inhale, wait and exhale, but don't watch the crappy girlie movie of the same name. Trust me, you'll want to go and make everyone involved stop inhaling, and exhaling.
How does the e-cig work?
Glad you ask, roll that film.
Wait, you only read I get it.
When the cigarette is on, it heats up the water and the nicotine solution . This produces a mist that the smoker inhales, and that is why when they exhale they see those sexy little white donuts that every cool guy wishes he knew how to make. You get the drug drawn into your body, no bad smell, no house catching on fire, happy times.
Features.
Not all e cig's are created equal but they all preform the same function.
You can choose the level of nicotine you want to consume. There are some that add a flavor or scent to the nicotine, so that your mouth can taste like a filed of fresh blueberries. Now girls will want to kiss guys who smoke, win win.
Benefits:
No smell.
Cheaper. Although the initial investment will set you back about 60.00 bucks, you won't be out there buying cartons of cigarettes which is never going to go down.
You'll not put all that tar and crap into your body that those little Cancer sticks had in them.
Feels and looks like the real thing.
Or it has all the same elements.
You can get e-cigarettes with no nicotine in them and that is a great way to go.
You pick some stick-like thing up, it lights up, you inhale and exhale and you see smoke, and your happy...Till you go out camping, and then you have no way to charge that bad boy.
Well you're on your one.
Watch out for bears!
Downsides: Hey we got you covered there too.
It won't help you kick the nicotine fix.
Yo will have to replace the nicotine, once it's all gone.
You have to buy said nicotine in special stores, or online.
It hasn't been proven to be risk free, but it might be a better alternative...for now.
Now you know, so go smoke and be happy.
Warning: Smoking may not produce happiness if you weren't a smoker before, or are just depressed and upset and fat and lonely. However, if you smoke, you'll lose weight and become more focused. Keep lighters handy for all the girls how still use the real deal, you'll seem like a real gem and be in like for good with them. More so too if you can appear better than they with your fake Ciggy.
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